Of Spatulas and Frying Pans
by Kirii
Summary: Sheer insanity ensues when one of Hojo's experiments goes wrong and he finds himself facetoface with two college girls that can't speak a word of Gaian. [TsengReno, SephCloud, ZaxAeris]
1. Prologue: Elevator to Hell

_**Author's Note:** This is somewhat based off a small dream sequence I had a few months ago. __  
**Warnings:** OOC-ness, yaoi, two original characters, plenty of insanity, a few mixed drinks, and complete butchery of the Southern accent. Please forgive me.  
**Disclaimer:** Oh, geez. I don't own it. I'm not a part of Square-Enix. I can't get an eye right with a 3-D graphics program, let alone kick-ass Final Fantasy fights. Rain and Remi are loosely copyrighted by me, though Remi more than Rain, cause Rain's actually my cousin's character; I'm just "stealing" her. _

Prologue: Elevator to Hell

Orientation was a bitch. Lectures on expected behaviour at a new school always were. Remi Verglas yawned, covering her mouth with a mesh-clad hand. Next to her, her cousin, Rain Verglas, elbowed her in the rib. Remi looked at her cousin, who mouthed "Pay attention." She rolled her eyes.

"Alrigh', alrigh', I'm payin' attention," Remi said quietly.

The Southern accent in her voice, with a delicate French hint, gave evidence that she was not from around the Portland area. She, in fact, was from the city of New Orleans, recently trashed in a majour hurricane. So was Rain, in fact. Their fathers had moved to America from Foix in Southern France with their parents back in the late sixties. Once out of college, Rain's father had married a young American woman he had met, choosing to stay in New Orleans. Remi's father, however, had returned to France for college where he met a young woman from Versailles. He had married in Paris and brought his wife back to New Orleans a year before Remi had been born.

Rain and Remi had grown up together and were close as sisters. Both of them had odd tastes in clothing, choosing to create their own, rather than buying it off the shelves. Of course, were they ever stuck for ideas, they would venture to the local mall and shop at JC Penny's or Meier and Frank's. But never Old Navy. Remi was thoroughly disgusted with the large corporation. She believed that Old Navy was trying to brainwash people into buying their clothes with poorly directed commercials and horrible jingles.

Their sense of fashion was what had brought them to the Art Institute of Portland. And it was lucky for them that they had been accepted when they had. They were visiting Portland when the hurricane struck their hometown. However, as lucky as they were to have been away, they were not so lucky when it came to their home and possessions. What they had managed to salvage was not in the best condition. The houses had been flooded, destroying much of their belongings, including over half of their designed clothes, their PCs, and several materials they had collected for future creations. Thankfully, they had kept many of their computer-generated designs on the laptops they had brought to Portland.

Their parents were fine, having been on a cruise in the North Atlantic at the time to celebrate the twentieth anniversary of Rain's parent's wedding. Remi's father, thankfully, had no problem getting his business back up and running after the hurricane. Rain's father was having a little difficulty, but he was certain things would turn out okay. The girls had returned home for a while to salvage what hadn't been destroyed or looted in their homes, then headed back to Portland. They'd stay in the neighbouring city of Vancouver, Washington until the winter term began at the institute, at which point, they'd move into student housing.

Now, the term was just beginning. It was cold in Portland, far from what the two girls from New Orleans were used to. Thankfully, they had bought heavy winter jackets at the Pioneer Courthouse Square a few days ago and were nice and warm in them. Remi's was a navy blue colour, matching her dyed blue bangs, whereas Rain's was black. Even with the thermostat in the lobby up, the girls were still freezing. Being raised in the south, they were not used to the cold wind and rain that came frequently in the Pacific Northwest.

_More like the Pacific North-wet,_ Rain thought irritably, shivering only slightly under her heavy coat.

"Damn it, I'm freezin'," Remi muttered.

"Jus' hang in there," Rain replied. "Once we get to the apartment, we can change clothes. Then, we gotta get to the dorm."

"We takin' the train there?" the older girl asked. "I don' exactly trust the cab service here."

"Yeah, whatever."

"Ahem!" a voice said from up front.

Remi and Rain looked up to see the professor looking at them with a scowl on his face.

"Sorry," the girls said in unison.

The professor glared at them momentarily, then went on to address the new students on where to pick up schedules, who to talk to if there was any problem, and what to do if they had any questions. When he was done, he dismissed everyone. Remi stood up and led her cousin out of the lobby and outside to the streets. The two girls headed off to the bus stop, where they waited for a few minutes until the bus that went back to Vancouver arrived. Once on the bus, Remi turned to Rain.

"I never thought we'd get outta there," she said. "That teacher sure loved to hear 'imself talk."

"No kiddin'," Rain replied. "Not only was I freezin', but I was losin' my mind."

"I know the feelin'," Remi sighed. "Though, I think I left mine back home."

"You lost yours at the zoo when you were five, remember?"

Remi pondered this for a moment. "Oh, yeah!"

Beeps, whistles, and tones filled the laboratory. The scientist in the lab muttered to himself as the machine in front of him gained the power required for the experiment he was about to attempt. He moved over to a set of screens that displayed the settings on the machine and hummed in approval. It wouldn't be long before everything was ready. The machine would only take another hour or so to finish warming up; he would continue his experiment once the machine brought him his new test subjects.

Hojo smiled to himself; a sneer that would strike fear into the hearts of bunny slippers everywhere.

**

* * *

**

Remi sighed heavily, dragging her duffel bag into the elevator. "Why'd they hafta put us on the tenth floor?"

"They're sadists, Remi," Rain replied.

"I figured that a long time ago."

"Quit your bitchin'," Rain said, hitting the button for the tenth floor.

Remi leaned against the wall of the elevator and sighed. "It's too cold up here. I hope our apartment comes with a decent heater."

"Yeah…"

The ride was pretty silent for the first few floors. However, as the elevator reached the sixth floor a loud and shrill buzzing filled the compartment. Both Rain and Remi slapped their hands against their ears and screamed, squeezing their eyes shut.

"What IS that!" Rain shouted.

Remi didn't get a chance to say anything in reply. Before she could open her mouth, the elevator burst into flames and exploded.

_**

* * *

**_

**Author's Note:** _Yeah, yeah. Cheap and shitty. Give me a chance._

* * *


	2. I: Test Subjects?

_**Author's Note: **Author is currently hyping over her new CDs. This is not the best time for her to be writing, but she is anyway. Now, on to the warnings.  
**Warning:** Do not operate machinery while reading this. Do not ingest. Side effects of ignoring the warning includes massive head trauma, constipation, amnesia, and slight possibilities of hemorrhaging.  
**Disclaimer: **If I owned them, I wouldn't be writing this. I'd be telling my underlings to start working on a pure yaoi version of Advent Children with much Silver-Haired Men smutting._

Chapter One: Test Subjects?

Hojo looked up as two voices screamed within his lab. From a rip in the air, two teenage girls in odd clothing fell onto his new machine. He winced as the machine broke from the combined weight of the two girls and the duffel bags they had with them. He had known the machine was delicate, but he didn t think it would break so soon after completion. All of his hard work to create this machine and it was broken.

On the other hand, he had new test subjects.

Remi sat up with much effort. "Damn it, my back!"

"Oh, this is not funny," Rain said, rubbing her head. "Tha' hurt and somebody s gonna pay for it."

Hojo blinked at the two girls. He had never heard the language that they were speaking. Had his machine failed? He had been attempting to grab some unsuspecting Wutai, but these girls certainly were not from the ninja country. He'd be able to understand them if they had been from Wutai.

_Oh, what the hell_, he thought. _A test subject is a test subject._

Rain caught sight of Hojo approaching from the corner of her eye. She turned to him. Immediately, her eyes widened at the sight of a strange man in a lab coat. Besides, he was holding a syringe full of glowing green liquid in his hand.

"Oh, you stay away from me with that!" she exclaimed.

"Rain?" Remi asked, looking at her cousin. Then she caught sight of Hojo as well. She grabbed her duffel bag and swung at him. "Leave 'er alone, you bastard!"

The duffel bag smashed against Hojo s face, breaking the scientist's nose in the process. Remi grabbed her cousin's hand and the two of them ran out of the lab. Hojo, holding his nose with one hand, hit a button to alert security to the escape. A siren rang out in the mostly quiet building.

"What the hell's goin' on?" Remi asked, irritated as she and Rain ran through the building.

"I'll be damned if I know," Rain replied. "But whatever it is, I dun' like it."

Remi spotted an exit. "C'mon, let's get outta here."

"Yeah."

The two New Orleans girls headed for the door. Several men in uniform appeared around the corner and yelled at them in a tongue neither of the girls understood. Remi spotted guns in the hands of the men.

"Oh, holy shit," she said. "Run faster, Rain! They got guns!"

"An' I only have pepper spray," Rain groaned.

She ran faster and slammed the door open with her shoulder. She and her cousin sprinted out the door and into unknown streets. Running as fast as they could, Remi and Rain attempted to mix in with the crowds in the streets. However, their clothing made them stick out quite a bit. Remi led Rain through the large group, pushing people out of her way.

"Move it!" she said. "Get outta my way!"

One woman Remi pushed out of her way yelled something back at her. Remi ignored her and ran on, gripping her cousin's hand as the two of them pushed their way through the crowd.

"You have any idea where you're goin' Remi?" Rain asked.

"Hell no," Remi replied. "This ain't New Orleans or Portland, if ya haven't noticed, Rain."

The two of them broke away from the crowd and paused. They both looked up.

"Where the hell are we?" Rain asked.

Buildings unlike any either Rain or Remi had ever seen surrounded them. The tallest skyscraper was well over twenty stories. Most of the buildings were circular in shape, though some were square. They all looked to be made of metal, though nothing like the steel buildings in Portland. Nor did it look anything like New Orleans had before the hurricane had struck.

A couple children ran past the girls, their laughter filling the air around them. One of the kids paused and spoke to Remi. The girl blinked, not comprehending at all. The language was nothing she had ever heard before. When Remi didn't answer him, the boy shrugged and ran off to rejoin his friends. Remi turned to her cousin.

"Did'ya catch any of that?" she asked.

"Not a word," Rain replied.

"How the hell are we going to get outta here?" Remi muttered. "If we can't even understand what anyone is saying?"

"Damned if I know."

A series of shouting alerted the girls that the security guards had spotted them. Making a dash for the nearest escape route, Remi and Rain headed into an alleyway, where they were suddenly cut off by a chain-link fence. Remi threw her duffel bag over the fence, glad that there wasn't anything breakable inside, then grabbed Rain's bag and threw it over as well. Putting her hands together to make a step, she helped her cousin towards to the top of the fence. Once Rain was safely over the top, Remi began to climb up.

The security guards behind them shouted at them, and began to ascend the fence. Remi reached into her pocket and ran back to the fence. Pulling out a small can of mace, she climbed onto the dumpster that sat next to the fence and sprayed it into the guards face. Two of the three guards fell to the ground, screaming in pain with their hands pressed to their faces. The third guard began to climb the fence, quicker than the two before him. Remi's eyes widened. She turned, grabbed her duffel bag and began to run. Rain followed suit.

The two ran along the alley until it turned into a street. Pushing their way through the crowds on the streetside, Remi and Rain continued to run until the guard managed to grab them. Screaming horrible explicitives and insults at him as he dragged them along, the girls struggled to get free. However, the guard's grip on them did not waver. The guard took them back to the building they had escaped from and led them inside. He led them through the building until he came across another guard. He and the other guard began to speak to each other.

Rain hung her head. "I am not going back to tha' lab."

"Kinda looks like we ain't got a choice, Rain," Remi said, frowning and glaring daggers at the man holding them. Then, she spotted none other than Hojo coming down the hall towards them, nose bandaged. Remi's eyes widened and she pointed the scientist out to her cousin. Rain's eyes also widened and she grabbed the guard's arm, pulling it down enough for her to sink her teeth into it.

"Aghhh!" the guard screamed.

Remi took the opportunity to twirl around and slam her heel into the man's crotch. When the guard dropped, his grip on the girls was released and the two of them began to run. They managed to get away from the guard, but a red-haired young man stopped them, grabbing them and throwing them into a room. The man locked the door and turned to the girls.

Reno looked at the two girls with an amused grin. "Well, you two are good."

The girls blinked at him. He waited for them to say something. When they didn't reply, he went on.

"It's not everyday somebody escapes from Hojo's lab, manages to get out of the building, gets caught, and escapes again," he said.

Remi and Rain continued to stare at him. Reno blinked.

"Do you girls understand me?" he asked.

Remi turned to her cousin. "Did that sound like a question to you?"

Rain shrugged. "I dunno."

Reno paused, went over to the corner of the office, where a table stood. He picked up a couple of mugs that sat on the table and filled them with a hot beverage from a metal canister. He came back over to the girls and handed the mugs to them.

"Here," he said. "Have something to drink."

Reno pondered if the girls were from Wutai. The two looked vaguely Wutain, with skin darker than the other people in town, a language unlike what anyone else spoke, and rather odd clothing. The large duffel bags they carried suggested that they might have been traveling before Hojo snatched them, but he couldn't be sure.

Remi looked at him, then at the mug in her hand. She turned to her cousin again. "What do you suppose it is?"

Rain sniffed at the drink in her hand. It smelled familiar. "It smells like coffee."

Reno paused. He knew only a little Wutain, but just enough to know when he was hearing it and when he wasn't. _Well, that's not Wutain_.

Remi blinked. She took a good look at the beverage. It was a deep, rich brown, slightly frothy. "It looks like coffee."

Rain hesitated a bit before taking a test sip. A look of euphoria crossed her face. "Coffee!" she squealed in delight. "Coffee! Coffee! Coffee!"

Reno may not have understood what the girl was saying, but it made him laugh all the same. The sheer glee in the girl's voice was amusing to no end. Seeing the girl jumping up and down in her seat from excitement just added to the humour.

Remi, glad to know that it was coffee in her hand and not something else, took a long sip from her mug and swallowed. The coffee slid down her throat, warming her up as it did so. It might have been black coffee, but it _was_ coffee nonetheless.

Reno smiled at the girls. He sort of liked them. He decided to try to get their names, so he could address them properly, instead of calling them just 'girls' all the time. He knew neither of them spoke Midgarian, nor did they seem to speak Wutain. He would have to use some sort of sign language. Getting the girls' attention, he put his hand to his chest.

"My name is Reno," he said. "Do you understand?"

"There he goes talking again," Remi said.

"Doesn't he realise we have no clue what he's asking?" Rain inquired.

Reno paused. He needed to get the girls to understand him, if only in the slightest. He tried again, this time merely pointing to himself.

"Reno," he told them this time. "I am Reno."

Remi blinked. "Reno?"

_Ah ha! _Reno thought. _Progress! _He nodded. "I am Reno."

"Suppose that's his name?" Rain asked.

"Sounds like that place in Nevada," Remi said. She looked at Reno, who was looking rather proud of himself. She pointed to herself. "I am Remi."

The red-haired Turk cocked his head. "Remi?"

The girl nodded, her long dark blue bangs bouncing on and off her forehead. "Yup!"

"And I'm Rain," the other girl said.

Reno nodded. He pointed to all three of them in turned. "Remi," he said, pointing to the taller girl. "Rain," he pointed to the brunette, then to himself. "Reno."

"Looks like we've got introductions down," Remi smiled.

There was a knock at the door of the office, causing all three of them to jump. Reno walked over to the door and opened it a crack. He recognised the dark man on the other side and let him in.

"Hey, Rude," he said.

"What are you doing here, Reno?" the other man asked. "Shacho(1) wants us to find the two girls that escaped Hojo's lab."

"Got them, yo(2)," Reno said, gesturing to Rain and Remi.

Rude did a double-take. "Those are-- how'd you get them so fast?"

"One of Hojo's guards had them before they got away from him," Reno explained. "I got them in here before the guard could get them again."

"Have you explained to them-"

"I can't explain anything to them," Reno said. "They don't speak our language."

"Have you tried Wutain?" Rude asked.

"From as little Wutain I know, I'm certain they don't speak it."

"Well," Rude said, "we still need to get them out of Shinra HQ."

"Where are they going to go?" Reno asked. "They won't be able to find a place to stay if they can't communicate."

Rude shrugged. "Have them stay at your place for all I care. Shacho just wants them out of Hojo's reach."

"Okay," Reno said.

"I'll go tell Tseng and Shacho that you've got the girls," Rude sighed. "Get them outta here before Hojo finds them again."

Rude left the office, closing the door behind him. Reno turned to the girls, trying to figure out how to get them to his apartment. He had to get them to follow him.

"Remi. Rain," he said.

The girls looked up. Reno gestured for them to following him and opened the door. "This way."

Hesitating Remi stood up.

"D' you think it's a good idea t' follow him, Remi?" Rain asked.

"It's better than stickin' around with that scientist here," the older girl replied.

Rain shrugged and stood up to join Reno and her cousin. Reno led the girls out of the building and through the streets. As they walked Remi noticed a distinct lack of trees and plants. She pointed this out to her cousin.

"You're right," Rain said. "This city must be in a desert."

"Even a desert still has cacti," Remi said. "This is jus' weird."

Reno continued to lead them through the city until they reached what seemed like a duplex. He motioned for the girls to hurry up and took them to the right side apartment. Pulling out a keycard, Reno unlocked the door and let the girls inside.

Remi and Rain looked around. To say that the apartment was clean would be incorrect, but it wasn't a complete mess. There were cans and dishes strewn around on a coffee table, clothes on the furniture, and other signs of the typical bachelor.

"Well, this is lovely," Remi muttered.

"Before, I would have said it looked as through a hurricane came through here," Rain said. "But it's not that bad."

Reno wondered briefly what the girls were saying. Then, he gestured for Rain and Remi to follow him to the back of the apartment. They did so, rather confused. Reno led them to a room in the back and opened the door. Inside, there was a bed buried under a huge pile of junk. There was more junk strewn around the room. Reno went over and began moving pile from the bed to a closet.

"Hey, girls," he said. "Little help?"

The girls blinked at him. With a sigh, Reno threw his stuff into a closet and turned to the girls. He pointed to the pile on the bed.

"Put that," he said, "over there."

He pointed to the closet.

Remi blinked, then did a double-take. "Oh, okay."

"What?" Rain asked.

"He wants us to move this stuff to the closet," Remi said. "I think we're going to be staying with him for a while."

"But why? He doesn't know us and we don't know where the hell we even are."

"I dunno, but we migh' as well make the most of it."

Rain sighed, picked up a pile of junk and began taking it to the closet.

**

* * *

**

A few hours later, the room was clean and the girls had unpacked. Most of their stuff was put away. The girls had settled down, sharing the single large bed. They were tired after a long day and were sleeping while Reno was making dinner. His efforts thus far:

_Well, looks better than the cafeteria food,_ the red head thought.

Reno dished up the food, set the dishes on the table and went to wake the girls. He opened the door and walked up to the bed. He raised one eyebrow when he noticed the wooden spoon that Rain was cuddling like a teddy-bear. He shook Remi's shoulder gently. The girl moaned.

"Wake up, girls," Reno said.

Remi moaned again. She propped herself up and crawled out of bed. Reno's eyes widened to see that the girl wore only a pair of dark flannel pants and her bra. He forced himself to look away and gestured for her to follow. Remi shrugged, turned around and poked her sleeping cousin in the ribs.

"Do that again and I'll murder you," Rain muttered.

"No, you won't," Remi said. "You'd miss me too much."

Rain rolled over and crawled out of bed. She followed Remi, who followed Reno. When they got into the kitchen, Rain crinkled her nose.

"What smells like it crawled into the vent and died?" she asked.

Remi was staring at the food Reno had set on the table. "I think that would be dinner."

Rain stared at the food as well. "Oh, gross."

Reno sat down. He picked up a fork.

"Eat," he said.

"Does he honestly think we're going to eat that?" Rain asked.

"I hope he's joking," Remi replied.

Reno put a forkful of his cooking into his mouth. Remi raised an eyebrow.

"He must be insane," she said.

Rain picked up her fork and poked at the food in front of her. She let out a small 'eep' when the food squirmed.

"That does it," she said.

She went into the kitchen. Remi blinked, and then followed. Reno stared after the girls. He watched as Remi and Rain began to raid his pantries and fridge for ingredients to work with. He got up to see just what they were doing.

"Oh, no," Rain said. "Out, out, out."

She pushed Reno out of the kitchen, just as the doorbell rang. Reno sighed and went to open the door. Rude stood outside.

"Hey, Rude," Reno said. "What brings you here, yo?"

"I came to make sure you got the girls here safely," Rude replied. "Tseng sent me."

Rude and Reno paused when one of the girls came out of the kitchen. Rude looked at Rain as the girl headed into the back bedroom, taking note of the sports bra and athletic shorts she wore.

"I thought I said to house them," he told Reno, "not pimp them out."

"Who's pimping them out?" Reno asked defensively. "They got out of bed like that."

Remi came out of the kitchen in her bra and pajama pants. She glared at Rude and Reno.

"Shut up," she said. "I can't cook when your mindless chattering keeps distracting me!"

Rude looked at his partner quizzically. Reno put up his hands and shook his head.

"Don't look at me, yo," he said. "I didn't understand a word."

Rain came back out with a bag in her hand. She went back into the kitchen and got back to work. She took a bottle of spice out and sprinkled a bit over the omelet she was making. She and Remi had found little to work with; a carton of eggs, some vegetables that turned out to be similar to peppers, an onion of sorts, and what looked to be mushrooms.

"We are so going grocery shopping tomorrow," Rain said as she flipped the omelet over in the pan she had found.

"How?" Remi asked. "We had no clue where anything is here, much less what anything is. Neither of us speak the language and I doubt the people here know what a five-dollar bill is."

"We'll find a way or starve," Rain replied grimly.

The girls finished cooking and took the finished omelets to the table. They had made enough, not only for them, but for Rude and Reno as well. They might as well be polite a cook real food for Reno in return for him letting them stay with him.

Reno took a bite of the omelet the Remi had set in front of him. He smiled at the flavour.

"Oh, man," he said. "I'm keeping you girls, yo!"

The girls may not have understood the red-head's words, but the sheer joy in Reno's voice made them smile. They finished eating in silence, as there was really no point in talking. Reno didn't understand them, neither did Rude, and they were tired. As soon as they were finished, Remi and Rain put their dishes in the sink and went back to bed.

Rude turned to his partner after the girls disappeared into the bedroom. "You're really going to keep them here?"

"Yeah, why not?" Reno asked. "They can cook, they clean, and they need someplace to stay, yo."

"So, you're going to have them be maids for you?"

"Not maids, really," Reno said, taking another bite of the omelet he had yet to finish. "More like roommates. I'll teach them our language so they can get around town without getting lost or confused."

"Do you have some kind of ulterior motive?" Rude asked.

"No, of course not," Reno replied. "Shacho wants them out of Hojo's grasp, they don't seem to have any clue where they are, so I'll let them stay with me until they learn what they need to know about living in Midgar."

"Stay away from Shinra Headquarters?" Rude asked with a grin.

"Well, from Hojo's lab, at any rate, yo."

Rude nodded. He glanced at his watch. "I'd better go. It's getting late."

"Yup. See you in the morning, Rude."

**_Author's Note:_** _First off, the only reason that Rufus wants the girls out of Hojo's reach is that he's trying to sabatoge him. Also, I know that Midgar and Wutai apparently speak the same language in the game, but for all intents and purposes, I m having them use separate languages. It makes sense to me. I ll explain later in another chapter._

_(1) I used the Japanese word for boss here because, in Advent Children, the Turks call Rufus Shacho. I have not once seen one of the Turks call Rufus by his name. And for some reason, having Rude say the boss blah, blah, blah just didn't sound right._

_(2) Reno says yo at the end of a lot of his sentences, if you haven't noticed. Everywhere else didn't sound right, so I started having him say it here._


	3. II: Chinese Fighting Muffins

_**Author's Note:**Just a quick reminder that this _is_ a collaboration fic between me and my cousin, Ame. We both put in a lot of hours working on this chapter. When you review, please keep that in mind.  
**Warnings:** Ame and I were up for hours working on this. Thus much of this chapter comes from our crazy sleep-deprived minds. It'll be weird. We promise.  
**Disclaimer:** Fanfiction, not actual fact, what do you think?_

Chapter Two: Chinese Fighting Muffins

The next morning, Reno woke up to the smells of breakfast cooking. The red-headed Turk stumbled out of bed, managing to trip on various objects on three separate occasions before exiting the room.

Bleary eyed, he staggered down the hall following the heavenly smells into the kitchen. Upon arrival Rain shoved a cup of coffee into his hand and promptly booted him out of the kitchen.

Somewhat more aware after draining the mug, Reno wandered back up the hall to take a shower. He paused when he noticed damp towels that could have only belonged to the girls; one was a fluffy and dark blue and the other was white with purple starfish all over it.

_They must have showered before making breakfast,_ he thought.

Then he noticed the additions to his bathroom. There was a second tube of toothpaste that smelled kind of minty and was a bluish color. There were two more toothbrushes and various other things about that screamed women were in the house.

"I never thought I'd have a box of tampons in my bathroom." He shook his head, stripped off his boxers and reached into the shower to turn on the water and paused. "What the hell!"

**

* * *

**

Remi reached for another egg and paused at the 'Ahem' coming from behind her. She put the egg down and turned to the door with Rain.

In the doorway leaning against the frame was Reno, his hair was down and he was wearing nothing but a skimpy white towel about his waist. The girls took the moment to enjoy the view.

Reno babbled something at them. The girls shook their heads to clear them. Reno raised a brow at them. They just grinned completely unashamed.

Reno shook his head in amusement and then repeated himself. The girls just blinked and stared at him completely uncomprehending. He sighed and gestured at the bottle in his hand.

The bottle was a shampoo bottle. On it was a picture of a naked young man with long blonde hair. He was obviously in the shower, with his naughty bits covered in suds.

Remi, catching on, grinned at him. "Boy's Love Body Wash," she explained. "Keeping clean with a dirty mind."(1)

Reno's other brow raised as he didn't understand her; but the grin made him think better than to ask again when he could understand. Rain smiled at him, took the bottle from him, and unscrewed the lid. She handed it to him.

Reno cautiously sniffed at the bottle. The scent of tangerines assaulted his nose. He made an appreciative noise. Rain grabbed him by the shoulders, spun him around and shoved him in the general direction of the bathroom. Reno stumbled into the bathroom with the body wash in hand. He paused, then unscrewed the lid and inhaled the scent again. A smile crossed his lips and he got into the shower.

An hour or so later, after a good breakfast and a walk to Shinra HQ, Reno led Remi and Rain to an elevator, pulled a card-key out of his pocket and inserted it into a slot by the key pad. He pressed a series of buttons and the elevator started to ascend. When the doors opened again, Reno poked his head out into the hall, looking side to side. He signaled for the girls to follow him.

The red-head led them down the hall and had them pause when the corridor turned to the right. Reno checked the hall, then had Remi and Rain follow him quickly to the second door on the left. He unlocked it and shoved the girls into the room. Closing the door behind him, Reno turned to the confused girls.

"Okay," he said. "You really shouldn't be here, but I can't trust the two of you on your own yet."

The girls exchanged glances. Remi looked at Reno. "Haven't we covered this?" She said. "We don't understand you."

Reno smiled. "Glad you understand, yo. Don't leave this room, okay?"

Remi sighed and shook her head. Rain attempted to ask Reno to repeat himself. The red-head remembered that the girls didn't understand him and tried to use body language to tell them to stay in the room. He pointed to the girls and then to the floor.

"Stay," he said. "Stay here."

"Does he think we're dogs?" Remi sweatdropped.

"I don't know," Rain replied. "But if he calls me a bitch, I'm going to bite him."

"You _are_ a bitch," Remi told her cousin.

"And you aren't?"

"Only on days that end in 'y'."

Rain sighed and turned to Reno, giving him the 'ok' signal. Reno nodded, waved, and left the office. The girls sighed and looked around, resigning to sitting in the large comfy swizzle chairs in the office. A minute of silence passed. Then Remi turned to her cousin.

"I'm bored."

"Yeah," Rain agreed.

**

* * *

**

Reno and Rude sat in Tseng's office, waiting for the _usually_ prompt Turk leader. The Wutain man was never late; unless President Shinra was holding him back from coming up to the Turks private floor. Which was the case this time.

Had President Shinra been reasonably intelligent, this would not have been a problem. As it was the man was incapable of telling his right from his left and was wasting Tseng's time by talking on and on about the new coffee machines and his new cute secretary, Geraldine, and her odd five o' clock shadow. Rufus barely resisted the urge to slam his head into his desk.

Tseng managed to divert the president's attention just long enough that he and Rufus were able to escape into the nearest elevator. The Turk let out an exasperated sigh and pulled out his card-key. He slid the card into the slot and entered the pass-code to gain access to the private seventeenth story where the Turks resided.

Rufus rubbed his temples. "I swear by the ancients, if my father says one more word about Geraldine. . ."

Tseng turned to Rufus. "Just who is Geraldine?"

Rufus sighed. "Eleventh Street Drag Queen ring a bell?"

Tseng shuddered. "One would think the deep voice would tip him off that 'Geraldine' isn't a woman."

"What are you talking about?" Rufus asked. "It's my father."

Tseng nodded sweatdropping. The elevator dinged and the doors opened. He and Rufus stepped out of the elevator and began to walk down the hall. As they passed the closed door of the lounge, a thud came from the door. Exchanging confused glances, Rufus and Tseng approached the door. Guarding the heir to Shinra Co., Tseng opened the door.

On the inside of the door, or rather _in_ the door, was a muffin. Tseng blinked, then looked in the lounge. Two oddly dressed young women were bouncing around the lounge, giggly and obviously whacked out of theirs minds on caffeine.

"Who are you!" Tseng demanded.

The girls paused. They looked at Tseng and tilted their heads in confusion. Tseng tried again.

"How did you get here?"

Remi turned to her cousin. Rain shrugged. Tseng sighed. Rufus looked at the muffin in the door. He pointed at it and looked at the girls.

"What is this?" He asked.

Remi grinned. "Chinese fighting muffin."

Rain burst out in a fit of laughter. Remi had merely guessed what the blond young man had asked, and had responded with an ad-lib. Remi followed her cousin's example and laughed until she felt like crying.

Rufus turned to Tseng. "Did you understand any of that?"

"Not a word," the Turk replied.

"Wait," Rufus began. "Didn't two girls escape from Hojo's lab yesterday?"

Tseng blinked. "Yes. . ."

"And didn't. . ." the younger man trailed off.

Something clicked in the Turk's brain. He turned and poked his head into the hall.

"RENO!"

A door down the hall opened. A moment or so later, Reno appeared around the corner. A confused look was pasted across his face.

"What is it, yo?"

Tseng pointed into the lounge. "Are these your girls?"

Reno blinked and started towards the lounge. "My. . .girls?" He reached the lounge door and looked in. "Rain! Remi!"

"So, you _do_ know them," Rufus said.

"Uh. . . yeah," Reno hesitated. He stepped into the lounge to grab the girls. He managed to get both of them through sheer luck. "I told you to stay in the office!"

"Did you let them up here?" Tseng asked.

"Well. . . yeah," Reno replied. "Neither of them speak or read Gaian so I didn't think they'd cause any trouble, yo."

Tseng sighed. "They don't have clearance to be up here."

"They're with me," Reno said. "That's clearance enough."

"Reno. Do _not_ argue with me."

Reno let out an exasperated sigh.

"Take them home," Tseng said. "Come back afterwards. We're going to have a little talk."

"About what?" Reno asked, a hint of anger in his voice.

"Security."

"Oh," Reno said. "I thought you meant the muffin."

Tseng rolled his eyes. "Get the girls out of here."

Reno dragged the girls out of the lounge and back into the elevator. He pressed a series of numbers and the elevator began to descend. Reno sighed and leaned against the wall.

"I'm going to have to get shock collars for you two, yo," he drawled, crossing his arms.

Sensing that Reno was upset, Remi sighed. "I'm sorry," she said.

Reno paused and looked at the girl. "Did you just apologise?

Remi blinked at him. The red-haired Turk smiled at her.

"Looks like there might be some words that are similar in our languages," he said. He looked at the girls. "That might make things easier, yo!"

Remi glanced at her cousin. "He's bonkers."

Rain stifled a giggle. Reno paid the girls no mind until they got out of the Shinra building. Reno led them down a different route that the previous day. He pointed to a building, then gestured for the girls to follow him inside.

The building turned out to be a grocery store of sorts. Reno used his hand to signal for Remi and Rain to go through and find what they needed to cook. When the girls gave him confused looks, he grabbed two baskets and gave them to the girls. Then, he shoved Rain down one aisle and Remi down another. He gestured that he'd wait for them near the cash register.

"Might as well do some shopping while Tseng cools down, yo," he muttered.

Still slightly confused, Rain began wandering around with the basket Reno had given her. Looking around, she spotted some small jars of spices. Taking one down, she stared at the label, unsure of what to make of the strange lettering. Twisting the cap open, Rain took a cautious sniff at the spice.

"Tarragon," she muttered, twisting the cap back on and putting it in her basket.

Going through a few more spices, she managed to find spices similar to saffron, thyme, basil, bay leaves, chervil, sage, and garlic. Walking along the aisle with a smile on her face, Rain continued the search for more ingredients to work with. She bumped into Remi, who had a bag of what looked like rice, some odd looking vegetables, and a few other items.

"So," Remi said. "Did you find anything?"

"Some spices," Rain replied, pulling out one jar. "I think this is saffron."

Remi took the jar and opened it, sniffing at it. "Sure smells like saffron. But since when is saffron hot pink?"

"It isn't, but it's what I could find."

"What else d'ya got in there?" Remi asked.

Rain showed her cousin her collected items. Remi nodded and then the two of them went through the rest of the store, seeking out food to cook. Between the two of them, they managed to gather enough to last at least a good couple of weeks. After making several wrong turns and managing to get lost twice, the girls finally reached the cash register, where Reno stood waiting.

"Took long enough, yo," Reno said with a smile. He turned to the middle-aged man behind the register. "Scan their items and I'll pay for them."

The man looked at the oddly dressed girls and their collected items. With a grim smile, he began ringing them up. After several items, he rang up the total. Reno sighed, pulled out his wallet and paid the bill. It was more than he had expected the girls to purchase, but he was a Turk, and well-paid for what he did. He handed his money over to the man behind the register and had the girls take the bags of groceries.

"I'm going to take you back to my place," he said as he attempted to once again use body language to tell the girls what he was saying. "You can cook or something until I get back in a couple hours."

Remi turned to her cousin. "Didya get any of that?"

"Well, it sounded like he said something about gettin' back," Rain said. "I'm not exactly sure, though."

"That's kinda what it sounded like to me."

Reno looked at the girls. He couldn't quite tell what they were saying, but hopefully, he would eventually understand them. However, he needed to get back to work. And since Tseng didn't want the girls there, he would have to teach them during off hours. For now, he would just let them stay at the house. They might as well get used to the place; they'd be there for a while.

Reno left the girls at his place and hurried back to Shinra Headquarters. He had spent a lot more time away than he thought.

_Tseng has probably calmed down and gotten mad at me twice again by now,_ he thought, running through the streets of Midgar. He quickly reached Shinra HQ and got into the elevator. Sliding his key-card into the slot, he punched the pass-codes in for the third time that day. When he reached the private seventeenth floor, he hurried out of the elevator and to Tseng's office, where Rude and the leader of the Turks waited for him.

"Okay," Tseng said, shifting some files in his hands. "Now that Reno's finally back."

"I got here as quickly as I could," Reno said defensively.

"Yes, yes," the older man said. "As I was saying to Rude here, we need to hire another person to join our ranks."

Reno's jaw dropped. "Another Turk? Why do we suddenly need another Turk?"

Rude sighed. "Shacho's orders."

Reno looked at his partner. "So, we're just going to hire someone?"

"Actually," Tseng said. "I've already taken time to go through a few files to find a couple candidates. I want you two to go through them and see what you think. I'll call them in for interviews tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Reno asked.

Tseng looked at him. "Yes. We should get this done as quickly as possible. Shacho asked that we have an extra hand so that he can take two of us down to the Shinra Lodge in Costa del Sol this weekend. He said there were a few things he needed to take care of there and he wants two of us to be there with him and two to stay here to finish off the mountain of paperwork we haven't touched in months."

"That's your job, yo," Reno muttered.

Tseng shot his subordinate a look. Reno cringed under the glare.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

Tseng shifted his files. "The new hand will be going to Costa del Sol with Shacho and I. While we're on the mission, I'll be teaching him what he needs to know."

Rude nodded silently. Reno rolled his eyes then agreed to what the older man had deemed. The Wutain man handed Reno and Rude a few files and told them to start looking through them.

By the end of the day, the three Turks had found seven files containing information on people they thought were good candidates for the job. Reno was designated Rufus' guard to the penthouse the vice president had purchased and moved into recently. By the time Reno finally got home, he was tired and quite hungry.

Luckily for the red-haired Turk, his tenants were just finishing with their cooking. Remi led Reno to the table, pushed him into a chair and set a plate of steaming food in front of him. The decadent aroma made Reno's mouth water. He took a bite of his dinner.

"Mmmm…wow…" he muttered. He looked at the girls. "I am so keeping you."

"Would you not talk?" Remi asked. "The fact that I don't understand you makes my head spin."

Though Reno couldn't understand the girl, he opted to shut up. After all, it's kind of hard to eat when one is talking. Dinner passed in silence and the girls went into the room they shared and sat down on the bed. Rain reached into her duffel bag and pulled out a book. She lay down and began reading. Remi opted to work on a few outfit designs she had started.

A couple hours passed before the girls decided it was time to go to sleep.

**

* * *

**

The next morning, Remi and Rain had breakfast cooking early, as they had the day previous. Reno skipped eating, knowing he had better be at the Shinra building on time today, otherwise Tseng would get mad at him again. He told himself that he'd snag a muffin or something from the lounge on his way to the seventeenth story.

The red-head ran up the stairs to the Shinra building, into the elevator and punched in the pass codes. As soon as the doors to the elevator opened, Reno burst out, and ran to Tseng's office. He'd get a muffin later; he was running late as it was. He made it to Tseng's door and knocked to announce his arrival. From inside, Tseng beckoned him inside.

Reno opened the door and stepped inside. Tseng and Rude both were already in the office; Tseng sat behind his desk, with Rude standing off to the side. The Wutain man looked up and told Reno to stand next to Rude for a moment. Then, he stood up. Shuffling the papers in his hands, Tseng turned to his two companions.

"Out of the seven candidates we found, only five were interested in the job," he said. "I've called them to the building and have already had Rude bring them up here to wait in the lounge."

"So, we ask them a few questions, we see who's worthy of becoming one of us, yo?" Reno asked.

"They have to be willing to sacrifice their life to protect Shacho," Tseng said. "If they can't do that, they're not going to make it as one of the Turks."

"Gotcha," Reno said.

Tseng subtly rolled his eyes. He turned to Rude. "Could you send in the first candidate?"

Rude nodded silently and headed out of the office. Tseng and Reno waited patiently for a couple of minutes until their accomplice returned, with a young man with messy brown hair behind him. The new person was asked to sit down and the interview began.

"So, Robert," Tseng said. "Your profile states you used to work for a mercenary group."

Robert nodded vigorously. "I was a sniper. But I also liked to work close range with knifes. Sometimes a scalpel works just fine, too."

Reno raised an eyebrow, but didn't let Robert see it. _Scalpels? What kind of mercenary uses a scalpel?_

"Oh, and the cattle prod was fun, too," Robert added, a grin on his face.

Tseng coughed politely. "Yes, well, your records prove your worth for this job, Robert. However, we must ask a few questions about your work ethnic."

"Ask away," Robert said.

"As a Turk, you cannot back out of a task," Tseng said. "Any hesitation could cost your life or, more importantly, the life of the one you're to protect."

"I've dealt with scenarios like this before," Robert replied. "I think I can handle throwing my life to protect the boss."

"Very well," Tseng said. "What about this? Loyalty is a must in this job."

"Loyal as one could possibly be," the brown-haired man replied.

"We will be the judge of that should we hire you," Tseng said. He opened the file in his hands and flipped to a page in the middle. His dark eyes scanned it for a moment, taking in the notes and details on Robert's previous mercenary work. "How do you prefer to work?"

Robert took a moment to think. "Well, I like to work at my own pace. Take time to make sure I'm doing things thoroughly and correctly. And I do prefer my targets to be screaming."

Reno shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Rude raised an eyebrow behind his sunglasses and shifted his weight to his other leg, trying to look nonchalant. Tseng nodded in response to Robert's statement and flipped the page again.

"Records show you left your last job due to some difficulties with the management."

"It was the authority at Icicle Inn," Robert explained. "There was an incident and they decided they wouldn't let me test on the tourists anymore."

All three of the Turks shifted uncomfortably. Tseng gave a polite cough and set down Robert's file.

"Well," he said. "Thank you for your time today." He stood and offered his hand to Robert. "We'll give you a call within the next twenty-four hours if we decide to hire you."

"Thank you very much, sir," Robert replied, shaking the Wutain man's hand. "It was a pleasure."

"I'm sure," Reno muttered.

Thankfully, the brown-haired man didn't hear as he left the office. Rude straightened his tie unconsciously before leaving to escort Robert from the Turk's office. Reno shuddered in his seat.

"You're not hiring him, yo," he told Tseng.

"Of course not," the other man replied. "If anything, I might send him to be an assistant to Hojo."

"They'd get along, definitely," Reno sighed. He was quiet for a minute, then shuddered again. "Scalpels and a cattle prod?"

Tseng sweatdropped. "Maybe send him to Hojo to play with?"

"Like the man needs new toys," the red-head muttered. "He makes his own with some of those things he's brought in."

"I've noticed."

Rude returned a few minutes later with the second candidate. Tseng repeated a couple of the questions he had asked Robert, as well as adding in a few others. This candidate was more than qualified, with one problem. He was unwilling to work for the Turks when he found out that Hojo worked in the same building. He jumped up and ran out of the office screaming. Tseng sweatdropped and sent Reno after him. Reno sighed and did so, finding the other man and leading him off the seventeenth floor and out of the building, where the other man ran away.

By the time Reno returned, Rude had left the office to retrieve the next candidate from the lounge. The red-head sat down in his seat and waited, not saying a word. Tseng sighed and shuffled a few papers while waiting for Rude to return with the next candidate. The door opened and Rude entered, leading a prancing young man with messy blond hair into the room. Reno stared at the blond; he was wearing a pair of navy slacks with a short sleeved, lavender dress-shirt. The tie around the blond's neck was a pale pink color, sporting the image of a cartoon-ish cat.

"Hey all!" the blond grinned as he sat down. "Nice to meet you! I'm Jamie Rockwell! And, wow," he paused to finger Reno's hair. "I just absolutely _love_ this hair of yours!"

Reno sweatdropped. "Err…thanks, yo."

"Ahem," Tseng interrupted. "Thank you, Jamie, for coming in today…"

"Oh, not a problem, gorgeous," Jamie replied. "I just had to see about this job! I even bought a sexy new pair of shoes just for this!" He pointed down to the shiny black leather dress shoes he wore. "Can you believe these only cost two hundred and fifty gil?"

"That's nice," Tseng said, shuffling through Jamie's file. "Now. Do you have any experience in this line of work?"

"Oh, yes," Jamie replied. "I've been in training since I was twelve to handle all sorts of weapons and I worked for a mercenary group at Fort Condor for a short while. The boss, though, was, like, a total waste of good looks."

The blonde rolled his eyes and leaned forward, tapping his nails on the desk. Tseng noticed how shiny the other man's nails were and vaguely wondered if Jamie was wearing clear nail polish.

"So," Tseng continued. "How do you prefer to work?"

"In a group is fine with me, but I do prefer to work in groups of two," Jamie replied, winking at Reno.

The red-head caught a glimpse of something shining on the other man's lips. "Are you wearing lip gloss, yo?"

"Cherry flavour," Jamie nodded. "Wanna taste?"

Reno sweatdropped. "No thanks, yo."

Tseng coughed politely and straightened the files in his hands. "Well, er…thank you. I think that's all for today."

"Oh, no problem, handsome," Jamie smiled. "It was a pleasure. Even if I don't get the job, it was nice!"

The blonde stood up to leave, but then paused and pulled a scrap of paper from his pocket. He scrambled around in his other pocket for a pen and jotted something down. He handed the paper to Reno with a wink.

"Give me a call sometime, cutie."

"Err…" was the only thing Reno could say in reply.

Jamie smiled and skipped happily out of the room, followed by Rude, who lead him down the hall to the elevator. Reno looked at the piece of paper in his hand, and then slipped it into his pocket without a word. Tseng sighed and leaned back in his chair.

"Well, that was certainly interesting," the Wutain man said.

"Where the hell did you snag his file from, yo?" Reno asked.

"Congaga."

Reno paused. "Isn't that where Zax is from?"

Tseng paused. "Yeah, I think so."

Reno stifled a laugh. "Do you think Jamie's the reason he left, yo?"

"Wouldn't surprise me."

Another interview passes without the Turks being much impressed by the one they were inquiring. So far, the only candidate that they were even considering was, oddly enough, Jamie. Taking a break before the next interview, Rude, Reno, and Tseng sat in the office, silently wondering why they were being put to this torture.

"This is hopeless, yo," Reno said. "We're not going to find anyone."

"Jamie seemed like a good candidate," Tseng said, shuffling papers with not a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

"Hell, no," Reno replied. "Not him. Anyone but him, yo."

Rude chuckled behind the red-head. Reno turned around in his seat, glared at his partner, and flipped him off.

"What?" Rude asked. "Don't want your new boyfriend to work in the same office as you?"

"Shut up, Rude," Reno said.

"That's enough," Tseng interrupted, before Reno could start something. "Rude, go get the last candidate."

Rude nodded and left the office. Reno huffed in his seat, arms crossed with a half-pout on his lips. Tseng took tone look at Reno, rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Get over it," he said. "Act like a Turk, not a child."

Reno looked at the older man, then playfully stuck his tongue out as the door opened. Rude entered, a now rather repetitive action. This time, he was followed by a young blonde woman with brown eyes that searched the room cautiously upon their entrance. The woman sat down in the spare chair and paid Tseng her full attention.

"First off, thank you for making time to come in today," Tseng said. "I know you were schedule for a mission with your group tonight—"

"The mission was cancelled," the woman said. "Our client called this morning. There were a few changes in the plans and my group was no longer needed."

"Ah, well, that makes things a bit easier, yo," Reno said.

The blonde glared at him. "My group loses ninety-thousand gil and you think that 'makes things a bit easier'?"

"Don't go all hissy on me," Reno said. "I was just sayin', yo."

"Reno," Tseng said, sharply. "Don't start anything."

Reno closed his mouth. He never argued with Tseng when the other man's voice became sharp. That was one thing a person never wanted to do. It was rather obvious that Tseng was becoming a little agitated, but then, all three of them were; it had been a long day. All the interviews, all the dead ends, and all the questions were getting to them, making their heads spin.

Tseng cleared his throat. "So, Ms Elena. Your profile states that you've worked with several mercenary groups. Yet it doesn't say how long you've been working as a mercenary. Care to enlighten us on that?"

The blonde, Elena, straightened her back and looked the Wutain man in the eyes. "I've been working with mercenaries since my teens, sir."

"So, plenty of experience, then," Tseng said. He flipped through the pages of the woman's profile. "How do you prefer to work?"

"Preferably on my own, but I can handle group missions."

"It says here that you work mainly with firearms," Tseng observed.

"Yes, I believe that a gun works better than any other weapon," Elena said. "It can also be your best friend in the field. I always keep one handy."

"Well, it's good to be prepared."

Her chocolate colored eyes lit up. "Yes, yes it is."

Reno slouched in his chair twirling his electric baton. "And if you need to take them _alive?"_

Elena shot him a dirty look. "Get 'em in the knees."

"And that keeps them from shooting back at you. . . how?"

Elena flushed. "I get them in the arm or shoulder first."

Tseng coughed politely to get Elena's attention to turn back to him, rather than the hot-tempered red-head. The young woman looked at Tseng, meeting his dark eyes.

"Ms Elena," Tseng said. "Joining our ranks would mean you would be putting your life into a binding contract. As one of us, you would be forced to forfeit any other job, devoting the entirety of your life to what we do."

"I understand," Elena said.

"Any instance of even slight wavering from our group _will_ result in your termination," the Wutain man said. "And we don't mean you lose your job…"

"You lose your life, yo," Reno said, looking deathly serious.

"I know what 'termination' implies," Elena said. "We have the same consequences with my group. We don't want our secrets told."

"Then you understand that we cannot allow you to maintain contact with those you currently work with," Tseng said. "Should we hire you, we would have to make it seem like you never existed. For all intents and purposes, we would have to kill you in the public eye."

Elena paused. Then, with a nod, she replied, "I understand."

Tseng nodded as well. "Ms Elena, you are well-qualified to take on this job. You have the experience, the knowledge, skills, and attitude. I think you will be seeing us quite often."

"So I have the job."

Tseng's lips twisted into a half-smile. Elena's words had not been a question. They had been a bold and confident statement. The young woman was certain of herself. He had to give her that. He nodded.

"Welcome," he said. "We'll have a place ready for you tomorrow. You'll be expected to have a couple weapons on you when we come to pick you up. Any other possessions must be left behind to avoid any suspicions."

Elena nodded. She stood up and offered her hand to Tseng. "Thank you, sir. I look forward to working with you."

Tseng took her hand and shook it with a firm smile. "We'll have someone meet you at the Goblin's Bar in sector seven tomorrow at midday."

"Thank you, sir," Elena said again.

Rude opened the door of the office and led Elena out. Tseng shuffled at few papers, stood, and looked at Reno. He gave a half-grin and walked towards the door and gestured for Reno to step outside. The red-head sighed, stood up, and slipped his hands into his pockets as he walked out of the office, Tseng beside him.

"So, when does she start her training, yo?" Reno asked.

"When we get back from Costa del Sol," Tseng said. "We'll have Toryn clean out an office for her, get her settled in, then started her on endurance training."

Reno nodded. "I'm going to enjoy having a newbie around."

Tseng looked at his co-worker. "Don't cause any trouble, Reno."

The red-head laughed. "I wouldn't dream of it, yo."

Tseng shook his head. He knew the younger man too well. He could practically see plans forming in Reno's mind.

"I mean it," he said, he knew Reno would likely not listen. He gave a sigh. "I should send a report to the president about today's events."

Reno hit the button for the elevator as he reached it. "Okay. See you tomorrow, yo."

Tseng nodded. He waited until Reno got in the elevator and closed the door, then turned around to head back to his office. However, a lingering scent in the air caused him to pause. A confused look crossed the Wutain man's face.

"Tangerines?" he asked aloud.

_**Author's Note:** Well, the chapter ends here. It's nine pages long already. I'm done writing for it. Hope you guys liked it. Jamie didn't frighten y'all off, did he? –chuckle- He was a spur of the moment character, but Ame and I love him, so we're going to have him pop up again, so fair warning._

_(1) Boy's Love Body Wash really does exist, we would buy some but we still live at home and have absolutely __no way to explain it to our parents if they did find it. I'm sure several of you out there can understand this. Once we move out we will probably get the tangerine and china rain scented ones. Here's the link._


	4. III: We're Gay and Republican

_**Author's Note:** It's around this chapter that Ame and I suggest you go back and read the theories we've posted on our take of the FFVII world. We're going to be incorporating a lot of things from our theories into the story from this point on. We don't want you guys to get confused. There's a link to the theories in my profile.  
**Warnings: **We don't really like Elena all that much. She's better than Tifa, so she's not down and out insulted to her face like with Tifa. The girls just play mind games and badmouth her behind her back.  
**Disclaimer:** -looks around her small, messy, but practically empty room- Yeah, right._

Chapter Three: We're Gay and Republican

Remi looked up as Reno tossed a small, thin book into her lap. The red-haired man tossed another book into Rain's lap. The two girls looked at each other, then at their roommate as he went into the kitchen. Remi picked up the book in her lap and looked at the cover. It was brightly illustrated and depicted bright, cheerful animals that she didn't recognize.

"What this?" she asked Reno, her Gaian broken.

"Book," Reno replied, pulling a beer out of the refrigerator.

"Duh."

"Read. You're supposed to read it."

Rain looked at Reno like he was stupid. "We been here two month. Barely speak language. You want us read?"

"You gotta learn it sometime," Reno said. "I can't take you guys shopping every time you run out of things to cook with."

"You want starve?" Remi asked.

"Of course not, yo," Reno replied, taking a drink of his beer. "I just can't always be home, especially with my job."

"Right," Rain said. "We learn read. Go shopping on own."

"Okay," Remi sighed. She held up her book. "You teach?"

Reno shook his head. "I'm kinda learning with you."

The girls gaped at him.

"You no read?" Rain asked.

"Never learned. I grew up on the streets, girls. The most I know I learned from street signs."

"You big help," Rain told him.

"Start reading," Reno said,

"I don't know about you, Rain," Remi said, switching to English. "But I'm a bit distracted by the big pink elephant on this page."

Rain looked over. "We're gay _and_ Republican."

Remi snorted, then burst into a fit of giggles. Rain followed suit. Reno looked at the two girls like they were nuts. He shook his head and gave a sigh before flopping down on his big comfy sofa. He switched the radio on and leaned back on the arm of the sofa, closing his eyes.

"I thought you learn with us?" Rain asked.

"'m tired, yo," Reno moaned. "Lemme sleep for a while, then I'll try reading."

Remi glanced at the clock above Reno's fireplace. "We need start dinner soon."

"After you read those books."

Rain sighed. "A'least the letters are similar to ours," she said, switching to English to talk to her cousin. "It's not like readin' Greek or Russian."

"But the pronunciation's diff'rent in this language, isn't it?"

"Kinda like Irish…"

"Read, girls," Reno muttered.

Remi stuck out her tongue, but looked down at her book anyways. It was confusing, looking at the words that made absolutely no sense to her, but thankfully, children's books came with lovely illustrations that she could easily bullshit about the story with if Reno tried to quiz her. Besides, it wasn't likely Reno knew what was written in the book either! She flipped through the pages, taking in the pink elephant dancing with the large yellow bird that reminded Remi of a mutated canary. Or a friendlier Big Bird.

_The guy in that costume had to be a pedophile_,_ then again Bert and Ernie had to be a couple, and the Count was gay and neurotic, no questions. Then again the only sane being on the show was that hobo, Oscar the Grouch and his best friend was a **worm**. . ._

Remi shuddered. Damn disturbing childhood memories.

Rain peeked over her cousin's shoulder, curious as to what she was reading. She blinked. "Dude, is that Big Bird?"

"Stop readin' my damn mind."

"Shut up and read those damn books," Reno cut in. Just as he finished speaking, his cellphone went off. With a groan, he reached into his pocket and pulled out the small flip-phone. Opening it with a flick of his wrist, he pressed it to his ear. "Yeah, whaddy'a want?"

"Tseng-san says to get over here for briefing," came the voice of the new Turk, Elena.

"Ah, hell," Reno groaned.

Out of the corner of his eye, Reno saw Rain flip the page of her book, give an odd look and start giggling. He turned to her as the long-haired girl flipped the book around and said with a bright smile on her face "Kiddy porn!"

There, on the page, what looked to be a frog was hugging a bright flamingo from behind. Of course, Gaian artists weren't all that good and, if you looked at it from a certain angle. . .Reno blinked, gaped, and started laughing, while still on the phone with the newbie, who took it completely the wrong way and started yelling at him through the phone line about not taking his job seriously. Reno wiped a tear from his eye as he tried desperately to calm down. The girls were laughing even harder than he was in the background.

"Reno!" Elena shouted through the phone. "I can't believe you'd laugh at this kind of thing! You're a Turk! This is a serious line of business and you--"

There was a noise from the other end and Reno paused to listen.

"Reno," Tseng's voice came through. "Get your ass over here. Now."

The red-head sat up straight and straightened his jacket. "Yes, sir. I'll be right there."

Remi and Rain looked up as Reno shut off his phone and stood up. They watched as their roommate pulled his shoes on, went into the kitchen, grabbed a power bar and came back out. He stood in front of the girls and looked at them.

"I have to go in for work," he told them. "I'll be back later. Keep reading and then you can start dinner."

"Doesn' he realise tha' we'll just throw the books across the room as soon as he's out the door and head for the kitchen?" Remi asked her cousin.

"Don't even think it," Reno told her. "I know how you think."

"Damn."

Reno just sighed and left the apartment, heading as quickly as he could to the Shinra Headquarters. He didn't want Tseng yelling at him again, especially after the incident with the mutated pancakes in the Turk's lounge last week. Reno shuddered at the memory. That, in and of itself, was why he had decided to let girls cook at home from now on. At least what they cooked wouldn't give birth to demonic spawn that would attack at the first sign of a fork.

_Why anyone would half a brain would even let me near a stove, I have no clue_, Reno thought.

It took him a while to get to the headquarters, mostly because his apartment just wasn't that close to it and he didn't have a car, like some people in the city did. Yeah, he owned a motorbike, but the thing was old and barely ran. Perhaps he should cash in some gil for a new one. It would make getting to and from work easier and it would make it less likely that Tseng would yell at him for being late.

Heading into the building, Reno went straight to the elevator and punched his security code for the seventeenth floor into the number pad and waited for the elevator to take him up. He leaned back against the wall of the elevator and pulled out a switchblade from his pocket. Without so much as a blink, he flipped it open and began digging at the dirt under his nails. It took a couple minutes for the elevator to actually reach the seventeenth floor, so he had to do something while he waited.

The small ding alerted the red-head to his arrival and he calmly stepped off the elevator and headed to the main meeting room, Tseng's office. Flipping his blade closed with a flick of his wrist, Reno slipped it back into his pocket and stopped just in front of the closed door of Tseng's office. He raised his hand and rapped his knuckles on the wooden surface. It didn't take long for the door to open and Reno was ushered inside.

"Thank you for coming in, Reno," Tseng said, standing behind his desk.

"Not a problem, yo," Reno replied, stifling the urge to just sit down and sleep with his eyes open, so it _looked_ like he was paying attention. He shrugged it off and sat down in one of the chairs that had been brought in. "So, what's the mission, then?"

Elena shifted to give a glare to Reno. It was obvious that she still thought he was unprofessional and didn't belong in the group. Reno ignored her frosty look and linked his hands behind his head as he leaned back into his chair. Tseng didn't seem to notice either of the two's behavior and opened up one of the many files on his desk.

"The new recruits have arrived at the encampment outside Junon," he told the three Turks in front of them. "The president wanted to check in on the new troops."

"And why is this important?" Reno asked. "He's got his own bodyguards, yo."

Tseng gave him a look. "The president, unfortunately, has other plans and has asked that we go in to check on the troops."

Reno groaned. Elena elbowed him in the ribs, which made him a little more than irritable. He glared at her, but turned back to Tseng.

"So, I suppose we'll be taking Shacho down there?"

"No," the Wutain man replied. "President Shinra is taking Shacho to Icicle Inn for a business meeting. Three of us will be going with to serve as guards."

"So, the one not going has to go check on the troops?" Elena asked.

"Correct."

"I'd hate to be the loser stuck with that assignment," Reno grumbled.

"Thank you for volunteering, Reno," Tseng said, his face completely serious.

"WHAT?!" Reno gaped.

"You'll be going to the encampment and analyzing the new recruits. A detailed report is expected to be filed."

Reno folded his arms over his chest. "Yes, sir."

"Now that that's settled," Tseng said. "Rude, Elena, and I will be accompanying the President and Vice President to Icicle Inn. We leave tomorrow morning at 0600 hours."

"And when do you want me at the encampment?" Reno asked.

"I want you to leave tonight, if possible."

Reno stood up and turned to leave. "I suppose I should prepare for the trip down there, then."

"There isn't much to prepare for. You'll only be there for a couple of days. Just long enough to make a report on the status of the troops and the progress the Generals are making on their training."

"Right, right."

Reno opened the door, then paused and turned back. Elena and Rude pushed past him as he went back inside the office. He approached Tseng and slipped his hands into his pockets nonchalantly.

"Hey, Tseng," Reno said. "You, uh, remember those girls I took in?"

"Girls?" Tseng asked, looking up from the papers he was going through. He paused. "The two that escaped from Hojo's lab, correct?"

"Yeah. I've been letting them stay with me for the last couple of months. I don't exactly trust them at my place alone, though."

"On the basis they may be spies?"

"Those two couldn't spy on Shinra without _him_ figuring it out!"

Somewhere in the middle of Midgar, in a messy apartment, identical sneezes scared the living daylights out of a couple of rats. Tseng looked at Reno and cocked an eyebrow.

"And you're sure they're not just faking it?"

"You _can't _pretend to be_ that_ stupid, yo," Reno said, rolling his eyes.

"So, what do you want to do about them?"

Reno paused. "I dunno. You'll be busy, I don't trust Heideigger or Palmer around anything even remotely female. Scarlet wouldn't even understand them, but I guarantee there will be explosions, big ones, if we get those three in the same room-"

Tseng cut him off. "Explosions?"

"Don't let them anywhere near hairspray."

Despite the look he got from Tseng, Reno refused to elaborate.

"Hmm, can't have them near Hojo. And Reeve is. . .in Gongaga, I think?"

"Then what do you propose?"

Reno thought about that for a moment. "I. . .could take them with me?"

"You think you're going to take two civilians into the Shinra Training Facilities?" Tseng asked.

"Look, if I don't take them with me, my apartment might get blown sky-high, if I leave them with Heideigger or Palmer, those guys will end up castrated. . .not that that's a bad thing. . .if I leave them where Hojo's going to find them, they'll wind up with bright blue tentacles and I'll never get decent food again. Leave them with Scarlet and this building won't even exist in two days."

Tseng gave a sigh. "Fine. If that's what you think will divert a city-wide panic, do it."

"Okay!" Reno said. He turned to leave and was halfway out the door before Tseng stopped him.

"Make sure they don't cause any trouble while you're down there," the Wutain man said. "I don't want any negative reports coming to me from the Generals."

"Gotcha, yo."

* * *

"Huh?" Remi asked, looking up at Reno.

"You two are coming with me on this mission," Reno told them.

Rain jumped up, punching a fist into the air. "Road trip!"

Reno sighed. "Oh, ancients. . ."

Remi stood up. "We pack?"

"Yeah, yeah, go pack," the red-head muttered, waving her off. "Don't take too long, we have to get to the train in twenty minutes, yo."

"Road trip! Road trip! Road trip!" Rain chanted as she danced into her room.

Reno rubbed his temples as he headed to his own room to grab a few necessary items. There was no telling what would happen between Midgar and the training facilities in Junon. He grabbed his EMR, as well as a small handgun and a couple cartridges. Then, for good measure, he rolled up the right leg of his pants and strapped a small dagger to his calf. He briefly wondered if he should grab some basic weapons for the girls, then decided it was probably a bad idea to give the girls something dangerous, such as a gun. He already knew they were something to be feared when they had kitchen knives.

"Should we take the eggbeater?" he heard Rain ask.

After a couple months, Reno had been able to pick up most of what they were saying when they spoke in their own language. He was a quick learner when he was exposed to something daily, so he was pretty competent with understanding most of what the girls were saying. Though, it seemed at times that the girls spoke more than one language, so if they switched into the other language, he couldn't understand a word.

"We've got the can opener an' the whisk, right?" Remi replied to Rain's question. "Why do we need the eggbeater?"

"Why do you need _any_ of those things?" Reno asked them, standing at the door of the girls' room.

The girls looked up at their roommate. Rain held the eggbeater in question as she looked at the red-head in the door. Reno raised an eyebrow at them.

"We're just going to the encampment for a couple of days," he told them. "We'll be fed there and given a room in the barracks. Just grab some clothes and let's go." He glanced at the small watch on his left wrist. "We've got ten minutes to get over to the station before the train leaves, so hurry, yo."

"How much you wanna bet the food there is crap?" Remi asked her cousin.

"I'd say my next paycheck," Rain said. "If I still had a job."

"Come on, girls."

Remi sighed, went over to the small closet of the room she and her cousin shared, grabbed a couple of shirts and threw them into her duffel bag. Rain picked out a few of her own clothes, neatly folded them, and put them in the bag along with Remi's things. Then, she grabbed her sketchbook for entertainment and zipped up the duffel bag. Remi picked it up and the two girls followed Reno out of the apartment and into the city of Midgar.

"Stay close, yo," Reno told them. "We have to go through the slums to get to the station."

"Wonderful," Remi muttered.

Reno led the girls through the slums and to the station as quickly as possible. The three of them only just made it to the station in time. Rushing through the gates and showing the tickets to the attendant, Reno, Remi, and Rain got on the train and sat down. Remi shoved the duffel bag of their clothes in the overhead compartment and turned to Reno.

"How long it take to get there?" she asked.

"We'll be there by morning," Reno replied, yawning. "I'm going to sleep. If something goes wrong, wake me up."

"Something go wrong?" Rain repeated.

Reno closed his eyes and leaned back in his seat. "If bandits or something attack, shake my shoulder twice. If we get to Junon without any problems and I'm still asleep, shake three times."

Remi and Rain exchanged glances, then shrugged in unison. The two of them made themselves comfortable. Rain opened up her sketchbook to begin working on a design as Remi pulled out a book that she had found in the bottom of her duffel bag. It was beginning to get dark outside, but the lights on the train kept it relatively bright. But reading and sketching were things the girls could only do for so long. Eventually, they put everything away and curled up together to sleep.

* * *

"Attention passengers," a loud voice came over a speaker. "Please remain in your seats. Do not exit the train. There is a tonberry loose on station grounds. Repeat; do not exit the train."

Rain slowly opened her eyes and groggily lifted her head off her cousin's shoulder as Remi continued to sleep. She looked around and saw Reno awake, armed with a small handgun. That, in and of itself, was enough to wake Rain up completely.

"Reno?" she asked. "What going on?"

"Tonberry," Reno replied.

"What Tonberry?"

"Nasty little lizard," Reno explained. "They carry a lantern in one hand and a knife in the other. Very dangerous."

Rain blinked at the concept of a lizard carrying a lantern and a knife. She turned, put her hand on her cousin's shoulder and shook it to wake Remi up. The older girl gave a small moan and batted Rain's hand away.

"Five m're minutes. . ."

"Remi, wake up!"

Bleary eyes looked at Rain. "Whadd'ya want?'

"There's somethin' called a Tonberry loose in the station," Rain explained. "Help me see if we can't find it."

"What?"

"Look," Rain said, pointing out the window.

Remi looked. Outside the train, a group of armored men were gathered by a gate, facing what looked from their point of view to be a midget dressed in a brown cloak. Well, a midget with a green tail, at least. Remi rubbed her eyes and looked closer. She could see the glint of a silver knife in one green hand that protruded from the brown cloak. As she watched, the creature turned around and headed away from the men and slowly approached the train. She could now see glowing yellow eyes under the hood of the cloak.

"Aww," she said. "It's so cute!"

Reno looked at her. "Are you insane?"

Remi blinked at him, not really getting that Reno at least partially understood her. "It's cute!"

"That thing could gut you in seconds, yo!" Reno told her.

"Look at tha' little knife!" Rain cooed, still seated next to Remi. "And the lantern! How can somethin' like that not be cute?"

Reno's hand met his forehead in a slap. "Girls, you scare me sometimes."

"We scare many people."

The three of them watched, Reno with his handgun ready for action, as the group of armored men followed the Tonberry and pulled out a small round sphere. The sphere glowed softly, then the glow brightened. Before either Remi or Rain could blink, the Tonberry was being held captive. Remi let out a sharp cry of outrage.

"Animal cruelty!" she shouted, too angry to use Gaian. "Let the poor thing go!"

"What was tha'?" Rain asked.

"A Contain materia," Reno replied. "They'll take the Tonberry and set it loose away from the station, yo."

"What materia?" Rain asked, switching to Gaian.

"What you just saw," Reno told her.

"That not explain. . ."

"Come on, girls," Reno said, ignoring Rain. "Grab your bag and let's get off this train. There will be a truck waiting for us outside the station, yo."

"You not explain!"

"Let's go," the red-head repeated.

"He's not exactly fair, is he?" Remi asked her cousin in English.

"No, he ain't," Rain replied.

"Girls!" Reno exclaimed. "Come on!"

* * *

"So," the man said, his voice deep, enthralling, and very dangerous. "President Shinra has sent you to check on the troops."

"That's right," Reno told him.

A omnious laugh came from the other man's throat. "And these two?" he asked, gesturing to Remi and Rain.

"They're my girlfriends."

"We not!" Rain protested.

"Seems like they disagree with you."

"Hey, Reno," another man piped up. "If you're not dating them, can I have one of them?"

"I thought you had a girlfriend, Zax," the first man said. "A young woman that you keep running off to _Midgar_ to visit."

"Oh, come on, Seph," Zax, the second man whined. "You won't even let me go to Midgar to visit her!"

"You've been neglecting your duties long enough, Zax," the man said, brushing his long silver hair from his shoulder. "Go get the troops ready for inspection. I want the new recruits ready for their _introductions._"

Zax gave a small, half-assed salute and wandered off. Sephiroth gave a gesture for Reno to follow him. The red-head turned to Remi and Rain and gave them a Look; a Look that clearly stated "stay here, don't touch touch anything or anyone." The girls pouted.

"Well, you no fun," Remi said.

"Sit down, Remi," Reno told the girl. "Rain, watch her."

Rain nodded cheerfully and babbled something at him in the language he couldn't understand. Remi just looked away from him. Thus he concluded her agreement.

What he didn't know was Rain had said, "Sure! I'll watch her! I'll watch her walk out this door and get into trouble and I'll just go along for the ride like always. How stupid are you? We get into more trouble together than we do apart. Haven't you learned this by now?"

Remi had turrned her head to the side so Reno wouldn't see her smiling and trying not to laugh. They didn't want the jig to be up before it even started. After all, where was the fun in that? So, as soon as Reno and the man named Sephiroth were gone, the two of them immediately walked out the other door and headed into the encampment. Surely, there'd be at least some guys that were hot and shirtless. Language barriers, of course, never seemed to be a problem for them. A little smile, wave, and maybe, just maybe, a little cleavage was all it took.

Unfortunately, hot and shirtless didn't always mean worth it. Judging by the behavior that many of the recruits displayed upon seeing two young women in the encampment, they hadn't been home in months. Catcalls and whistles rang through-out one wing of the barracks through open doors as the girls walked by. Offended, Remi flipped off one group, only to have one guy ask if she was offering.

"I ain't offerin'!" Remi shouted at him, in English. "Jus' cause I'm from the South don't mean I'm an easy-lay."

"We've got standards!" Rain added in a shout of her own. "Being clean's one of 'em!"

"Keep on shouting, baby!" a voice from the back of the group rose above the others.

Remi bent down and picked up a stone that had been sitting on the ground. "Jackass!" she shouted as she hurled the stone into the mass of hormonal stupidity. Next to her, Rain picked up a stone of her own and threw it, beaning a drooling brunet that was in the center of the group. Being on the volleyball team in high school was _finally _paying off.

* * *

Cloud Strife had been sitting on his bunk, looking over a book on battle tactics, when the shouts of his fellow recruits reached his ears. Annoyed, the blond rolled his eyes, shut his book, and stood up. He headed out of the barracks and just narrowly missed getting hit with a particularly sharp rock that whizzed past his head. He looked out and saw two girls dressed in odd clothing, throwing rocks at a group of troops.

"Um, excuse me, do you mind?" he asked.

The group ignored him. The two girls continued to throw stones, knocking more than one recruit back. Cloud went around the group, carefully dodging flying stones and went over to the girls. Hoping neither of them would turn and proceed to pelt him with rocks, he tapped them on their shoulders. The two of them turned around, rocks in hand.

"Perhaps it isn't a good idea for you to be wandering around camp," Cloud told them.

The girls looked at him, then at each other. They spoke to each other in a foreign tongue, one Cloud had never heard before. He had no idea they were trying to decipher his motives. If he had known the language they called English, he would have known that their conversation went a little like this:

"He sounds awfully polite for an army boy. Should we trust him?"

"Who cares? He's cute!"

"Rem, this ain't the time to be checkin' him out."

"Shut up, Rain. Look a' him! Ain't he just cuddly?"

"Ah, hell, he seems better tha' those twits..."

"So it's settled then? We go with Spike, here?"

"Seems like a good plan."

The two of them looked at Cloud and gave him freakishly similar smiles. He led them away from the other recruits, taking them the way they came, towards the building they had left not ten minutes ago. Opening the door, he gestured for them to go inside before him.

"Damn, you polite one," the short-haired girl told him.

"Thank you," the shorter girl said, stepping inside.

"You're welcome," Cloud told her.

He followed the girls inside and had them sit down while he went off to fetch the General. It didn't seem to him that the girls were recruits, so it was possible that they had been brought there for visiting and had gotten lost. It would explain why he hadn't seen them before, but didn't explain why the didn't seem to speak Gaian well. They didn't look Wutain to him, so it couldn't be that they were spies for the other country's army. Besides, they weren't exactly subtle in their getting around the camp. With their shouts and strange clothing, added in with the fact that they were really the only girls on this side of the encampment, the two of them stood out like bright pink chocobos.

Meekly approaching the General's office, Cloud knocked softly on the door. A moment passed before the door opened and Sephiroth loomed over the young recruit. The blond gulped and stood at a shaky attention before the silver-haired man.

"What is it, Strife?" Sephiroth asked, after the recruit had been quiet for a couple minutes.

"T-there are, uh...two girls in the m-main office," Cloud stuttered, trying to keep his nerve under the stare of the powerful general. "They w-were out and h-harrassing the recruits."

Sephiroth heaved a sigh and turned back into his office to face the red-haired Turk that was in there. "Reno, your girls are up to no good."

"What?" Reno asked, standing up and heading towards the door. "They said they'd sit and be still, yo!"

"They didn't, apparently."

"Damn it!"

Reno shoved past Sephiroth and Cloud, heading back to the main office. He opened the door and glared at the girls sitting in the chairs in the room. Remi and Rain turned to face him, innocent smiles on their faces. Reno clenched his fists and gritted his teeth together before taking a deep breath.

"Girls, you promised to behave," he told them.

"No, we did not," Rain said. "You tell Remi sit down, tell me watch her, I nod."

"We not promise at all," Remi grinned.

Reno reflected on the little talk back before he had left the main office the first time. The girls had a point; neither of them had actually promised to sit and behave. In fact, he had never made them promise to behave on this trip in the first place. He clenched his fists tighter, then loosened them, shaking his head. The next string of words that fell from his lips threw both Remi and Rain for a loop.

"Mother-fucking son of a god-damned bitch," he said, in near perfect English.

_**Author's Notes:** A lot of the time we have found that when, at first learning a foreign language, that your comprehension of what you're hearing is usually far better than your ability to speak it. The girls understand more of what Reno's saying than being able to say it themselves, Reno can understand the girls but probably couldn't speak English as he hasn't been trying to. It's more important for the girls to learn Gaian than it is for Reno to understand their language._

_The shoulder thing, twice is careful, danger, three is all is well._


End file.
